Following My Bliss

So much has changed since that last post.

Mom is sober. Has been sober for months now, I think. I'm finally letting myself be proud of her, and not scared for her relapse.

I'm in my last semester of college, probably ever. I constantly have these moments of 'WTF?' when I think of how in under 4 months I'll have my MSW.

Also, I have many, too many, moments of wondering what I'm doing in social work and with social work. I find myself more often than not angry at my major. I think sometimes professors spend too much time telling and not teaching. It's hard to explain, but I just disagree with so much being said to me about "the social work way", that I wonder if this makes me wrong or just different? I'm used to different, not used to wrong.

My internship isn't something I want to do post-college. I like it, but I am certainly not in love with it. It gives me so much freedom, too much freedom. I need a pit more structure, supervision, direction. Good people, decent department, alright clients. My heart just doesn't burst at the prospect of the work.

I miss you Ireland.

Still single. Not ready to mingle. Got this whole 'spinster' thing on lock really. Spending night after night home and alone, and not upset about that. I'm just selfish and love myself a lot, I guess. I have no desire to need a companion in that sense of the word. My friends do just fine being there when I need to be a part of a couple or a group. I wonder sometimes: will that feeling ever change? Or am I just one of those people destined to do life without a permanent attachment? No complaint, just questions.

I watch too much Animal Planet. I'm dying to get a dog. That's my kinda companion.

Be strong and be well. "Suit up and show up."

I regret going to Ireland for four months because now I can't afford to go somewhere for a year. I should have stayed away at Brockport & then had enough money to be gone for another year with grad school. I should have maximized my time away from this place.

Grow up "mother". It really sucks that you're making me regret one of the best decisions I thought I had made. If only you knew what you've done to this family, you oblivious self-centered brat.

I pray that I don't ever become you, ever.

I'm watching Lifetime movies all day so I'm reminded some people (fact or fictiion) have it worse than me.

This too shall pass.

Things have been so insanely great lately!!!

Louise told me last Monday that I would be ending my internship on the 30th with her because she has exams the following week and is taking her vacation time then to get that stuff out of the way.
So I emailed Mom telling her this.
Last Wednesday during volunteer night I checked my phone during a break and found a text from her that simply read 'So what do u think if I came to visit the first week of May? Luv Mom'.
Needles to say I FREAKED and immediately called her. And she was totally serious. Everyone at work was sooo excited for me and I'll admit, I got a little teary. That night she sent me her itinerary.

On Friday we were talking and she asked me if I were to go to London how many days would I need? And I said three or four. Her reply? 'Well look in to some hotels & flights and we'll do it'.

ARE.YOU.SERIOUS?!?!?!?!

So I spent the rest of the night researching and organizing and figuring it all out. Mom basically put her week plans in my hands and I went to TOWN.

Our itinerary reads as follows:
She'll arrive the 1st. We will stay in Waterford from then till Tuesday morning in a hotel by the Quay. (Monday is a Bank Holiday and the bus doesn't go to Dublin, which messed up my original plans but I adjusted).
On Tuesday morning we will take the bus up to Dublin and then fly to London. We will stay in London from Tuesday night till Friday early morning. Our hotel is right by Hyde Park and within a couple miles of every major site (Buckingham Palace, Westminister Abbey, ect.). It's also right by the Paddington tube station which makes it easy to get to from Heathrow (there's a 15 minute express train every 15 minutes!).
Friday morning we will hop an early flight back to Dublin. We're going to site see Dublin for the day and stay the night in a hostel before she flies back to NY on Saturday. I will return to Waterford for the weekend (having found out changing my flights is not a financially smart decision) and will myself fly home on Wednesday.

Every time I talk about going to London I shake a bit and can't stop perma-grin. I've dreamed of this since I was a kid. I would buy out of date travel books from used bookstores on London and scour them for hours. I have been fascinated with British culture for just as long. I used to watch the BBC Channel on TV for goodness sake!
This is just...absolutely insane. I won't honestly believe I'm there till we land in Heathrow. Any and all pictures I take will feature the biggest damn smile I can manage, promise.
London, I can't wait to embrace you and love on you for three days. Cannot.WAIT!!!!

Aside from London, I was stoked to just know my mom was coming to visit. I wasn't sure what we were going to do for a week in Waterford (I was planning some crazy Irish travel instead) but just to have her here means a lot. My brother's really upset he can't come out (can't afford it) and I feel bad for him. But he also doesn't know my mom plans on taking us on a cruise for my Grad school present soooo shhhh...his is coming!!! Haha!





On the internship front, I'm sad it'll be ending a week earlier than I thought in a way. I have my hours in, so that's not a problem. I guess I just need to prepare myself to cut ties. Some of these kids I have generally come to really like and become attached to (it was bound to happen!) and to say goodbye will be sad. I know they're in good hands though, and even though I wasn't here long I like to think I made an impact in some way. Maybe something so simple as teaching them something about what it's really like in America; just opening their eyes a bit. I'll take it. I want to come in like four years and see where they're at. Especially some of the boys who are definitely very tough. I'd love to see them as respecful, decent young men with future plans. I'll always hope for them, always.

My coworkers said we need to go out as a goodbye. They want to take me to some place called Jack Mead's (sp?). Apparently it's a kickass restaurant/bar/club out in the middle of no where. It has killer land around it, with like ponds and stuff. We're gonna go the Saturday after my last night, so my mom will be with us too. There will be BBQ for dinner and then a DJ at 9 or so. I plan on having a few drinks and having a lot of laughs. I'm going to miss the coworkers. They've been so nice to me, and so much fun. I always have at least one good laugh at work each day, usually due to Katrina (that woman is pure hilarity I think). Louise has been so sweet and wonderful as my supervisor, and soooo helpful. Same for Maggie, who although not my real supervisor has taught me a lot as well. I really feel I've gained some useful knowledge and skills while at SHY.





On Friday I noticed my leg foot/ankle was swollen twice the size of my right.

This happened once before sophomore year. I ended up in the ER and mom ended up driving up at like midnight to be with me. They did a scan on my leg and found no blood clot and sent me on my way. I went to my ortho not too long after and they put me in this good-awful half-leg walking boot. I only wore it for a couple hours. The swelling went down on it's own. After this, some other stuff happened with my knee and leg and such and it culminated with me having knee surgery Spring Break 2008.
Since then, it's been golden (for the most part). My knee still hurts in cold/rainy weather, which is pretty common. I can run again though and bend and it doesn't wake me up in the middle of the night. My ankles are still looser, and my calf muscles are still too tight at times, but all is much better than it was.

Anyways, on Friday my foot/ankle blew up. I called mom in a bit of a panic because it hadn't happened in a while. She wasn't sure what to do with me, and considering I couldn't find any urgent care clinics online around here we decided to wait until I went the ER route. She said if I was home she would have taken me right away but being a country away I was hesitant to just go (health care isn't like it is back home, trust me). She's convinced I have rheumatoid, if not something else. Her main concern was that this time it was a blood clot which could go to my heart and then it'd be 'Bye Bye Dana'. But because the pain was only in one exact spot in my calf and there wasn't much redness, we decided to give it some time.
So I made a make-shift ice pack (wet towel in a bag in the freezer) and elevated my leg. It didn't really go down too much but I didn't really feel like calling Elizabeth at 11PM for a bonding experience to the ER. So we agreed I'd just say a prayer, go to bed, and hope it was better the next day.

Her phone call woke me up the next day. The swelling had gone down, but my ankle was still big. Throughout the day it blew back up, not as bad as the night before, but still bigger than my right foot. Fabulous. Elevated it some more and just whatever. By Sunday my foot was no longer bad, but my ankle joint is still swollen to this day.

For the past month or so when I walk to work after about 15 minutes my calf/shin start to tighten/hurt. I just assumed it had to do with walking too fast and cramping up. But now with this, I dunno.
Currently there's one spot in my calf that still really f#ckin hurts. Like right in the middlel pure sharp pain as I sit here. It feels like a knot almost, but when I touch it it's not. It don't know what to make of it at this point.

Can't wait to go to the doc when I get home! Gonna be good times, I tell ya!

Also on the schedule for when I get home will be wisdom teeth removal. It will at least be the bottom ones. I've put it off long enough, and now they're starting to come through, and something needs to be done. Sigh. Gonna be great fun on that one too!!




I'm currently working on my papers. I have the WIT portfolio half done. It is sooo easy by comparison to Bport. The sections are 2000 words each, which is like 5/6 pages. That's a JOKE compared to the 20 pages I'm supposed to do for my Comprehensive Case Analysis. Of course I should probably do the Evidence-Based Research paper first, which was due a week and a half ago. It's just hard to be in internship 4 days a week and do papers. When I come back from work at anywhere from 7-10PM the last thing I want to do is write. And I do spend Tuesdays (my off day meant for working on papers) doing them, but one day isn't enough to get all my errands and papers in.
Tonight I'm skipping Roomie TV Night to keep working. Shitty. I feel bad missing Grey's & Desperate Housewives. But I have to get my portfolio to Louise on Monday for review and technically the Comp Case is due then too sooo... Time is certinaly of the essence right now!!

Love & miss you guys!
(I'll try to get stories up from Lehinch/Doolin/Inishmore sometime soon. I know, they happened a couple weeks ago now practically but I've been busy, OK? haha)

Oh Grey's Anatomy. Even though I knew what was going to happen (because Ireland is wicked behind) I still cried like a baby.
"Bad dreams, bad dreams, go away. Good dreams, good dreams, here to stay."
"You have to do it 3 times or it doesn't work."
Callie & Arizona are the best. I love torturing Emma a bit by reminding her I know what's going to happen and she doesn't. :D Also, Sloan's daughter needs to appear ASAP because I've been holding that one over her head since I got here.
I have to wait 2 weeks for another episode though because of soccer. Ah, just like America!! Except it's never soccer that interrupts our programming schedule.

We're going to Galway this weekend!!!! It appears to be only be myself, Elizabeth, and Garrett. I am OK with this. Kinda wish it would be more people but at the same time not? Elizabeth tells me there's a castle. And we all know how much Dana loves a good castle.

One good thing about all of us though is we're all procrastinating our papers back home. Or more like struggling to write them. Things just aren't as structured here as in America. These aren't social work agencies really, they're social care. They run under the management of a few people, not an HR Department and a Finance Department. It's busy and chaotic and everyone's holding on by their fingernails.
I wouldn't change it for a second. OK, well maybe I'd wish them all a bigger budget. Everyone could use that these days.

GMa's care package made my day. More easy mac, my favorite Keibler cookies, my favorite chocolates, and real hot chocolate packets that you make with hot water and not with milk in the microwave. She also included a thing of Jif smooth peanut butter. Even though we have peanut butter here, it's just not Jif. You all know what I'm talking about.
Hershey's, I have missed you!!!

Of course today was my day off and I wanted to go in to the city centre to shop and it had to rain. Wonderful. Thanks a lot Mother Nature. Real cute. Just get it out of your system before this weekend please.

Kirsten & Kerri arrive next Friday. Wooooo!!!! Trying to figure out what we'll be doing but around my internship schedule. A little tricky but we'll make it work. I really hope I can show them a good time. I'm going to feel bad if they're bored here or something. Also, nooo idea how we're going to pull off the sleeping situation but that's a battle we'll win when they get here.

Dave randomly sent me a text Monday morning to see how I was. Completely made my day and possibly my week. My brother is too awesome.

Pretty much wrote this just to put off my paper a little longer. Guess I should get on that. Tomorrow's my early day at work (11AM) so I actually have to go to bed before 2AM. Bummer.

Hope all is well with everyone. Take care.
<3
Dana