Can't sleep. I relearned how to nap today & therefore am now awake for the night it seems. Being awake has put my mind in to overdrive right now.
Next week is my last class for summer session grad school. Holy crap. One semester down, two to go. Insane. Still no internship. Still overworked, frustrated, and annoyed by college. I am ready to be done.
But I have NO idea what I'll be doing with my life come next May. None. I don't even know what I'm doing with my life next MONTH. Any know of a good life planner? I need one.
Ireland seems like it was all a dream that happened many years ago to me. It makes me sad. I wish I was there again with my independence and life scheduled. I miss how carefree I was there; how HAPPY I was. My life is so unfulfilled in New York at this moment, and I have no idea how to fix that at times.
I miss getting on buses each weekend to explore. I miss walking to town and shopping. I miss Tesco, Dunnes, Bus Eirann, Pennys, Lattitude, and every bar I ever had a drink in (especially the ones that had live music).
There are SO MANY blogs/stories that I never posted from my time abroad. It makes me sad sometimes that I can't go back to read them. The details are too foggy now to retell those stories in the way they deserve.
I'm looking for new "life-changing" books to read. I want to learn. I want wisdom to ponder. I want to live. I want so much.
This whole growing up shtick can kiss my dupa. (And my Polish comes out.)
I'm restless and noncomplacent here.
I have ambition but no where to apply it. I want to change the world. Someone give me some direction.
Maybe some day I'll work for a nonprofit. That actually really appeals to me all the sudden.
When does life REALLY begin? Do I still have time to put in my application for a better one? Do I even really need a better one?
I know so many would tell me this is exactly how I should feel at 22 but others would say I need more answers and less questions. To the latter I say screw off. To the former I say your support is so unhelpful.
Stay gold.
Going through the photographs, staring at the phone
I keep going back over things we both said
And I remember the slamming door and all the things that I misread
So babe if you know everything, tell me why you couldn't see
When I left I wanted you to chase after me
Yeah, I said, "Leave," but all I really want is you
To stand outside my window throwing pebbles
Screaming, 'I'm in love with you'
Wait there in the pouring rain, come back for more
And don't you leave cause I know
All I need is on the other side of the door
Taylor Swift - The Other Side of the Door
