What.The.Hell.
In 8 hours I'm getting on a bus to begin the trek back to America. Where did these months go??? I cannot believe this. Truly cannot believe this chapter is ending.
I'm going home to graduate and start grad school. I'm going home to family, friends, and familiarity. I think so at least. Maybe things won't be anything like when I left them in January. Maybe they will. Won't know till I get off that plane tomorrow.
I know of a few friendships that aren't the same. Some I'm very upset about, others I know needed to go the course they went. Some in particular have me angry and sad, wondering where we went wrong. Four months is a long time to be away from those you care about. Distance can make the heart grow fonder, or it can make the heart forget. Was it me, was it you, or was it fate? I could have handled some things better sure, but I refuse to take the entire blame.
Just so we're all clear, purposely excluding to tell someone is, in my opinion, still a form of lying. Elizabeth & I have agreed on this, and no, we won't change our minds.
I miss YOU(non-exclusive). This is f#cked up and I admit my part in it, but you're not helping. I hate conflicting emotions.
I have so many stories to yet type up in this journal of adventures passed. Maybe they'll get shared someday, maybe not. They're memories all the same for me.
Where do I go from here?
One day of grad school a week. Get some temp job. Then what?
If you had asked me freshman year where I'd be senior year, Ireland would not have been an answer. And yet, here I am, and here I go. The Future is unpredictable, terrifying, and everything I want it to be.
Who knows what awaits me. Will I find a job I like? Will I find a boy I love? Where will I live someday? Is Ireland in my future again?
My Peter Pan existence is almost over. I'm scared.
I have a lot of loose ends in America waiting for me, or so I feel. Or maybe I don't. There's a couple in particular I can think of, but I don't know other people's thoughts, so maybe there's more or less. Ugh. It's so hard to write it out.
Tomorrow marks page one in another new chapter.
Dana in America: The After 21 Years.
Hopefully this book will be good, and worth the read. If not, blame the author. I hear she's a bit off her rocker.
Class of 2010, SUNY Brockport (and not The College at Brockport). Social Work, and Sociology. Here's to us.
There's some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some bitter endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.
There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.
And all the things that break you,
Are all the things that make you strong,
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone,
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all,
Lessons learned.
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Lessons learned.
Carrie Underwood - Lessons Learned
I know there's a blue horizon,
Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me,
Getting there means leaving things behind,
Sometimes life's so bitter sweet.
I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.
Carrie Underwood - Starts With Goodbye
When you look back on times we had
I hope you smile
And know that through the good and through the bad
I was on your side when nobody could hold us down
We claimed the brightest star
And we, we came so far
And no they won't forget
Whenever you remember times gone by
Remember how we held our heads so high
When all this world was there for us
And we believed that we could touch the sky
Whenever you remember, I'll be there
Remember how we reached that dream together
Whenever you remember
When you think back on all we've done
I hope you're proud
When you look back and see how far we've come
It was our time to shine
And nobody could hold us down
They thought they'd see us fall
But we, we stood so tall
And no we won't forget
Whenever you remember times gone by
Remember how we held our heads so high
When all this world was there for us
And we believed that we could touch the sky
Whenever you remember, I'll be there
Remember how we reached that dream together
Whenever you remember
Yeah, Oh
We claimed the brightest star
And we, we came so far
You know that we, we showed them all
And no they won't forget
Yeah
Whenever you remember times gone by
Remember how we held our heads so high
When all this world was there for us
And we believed that we could touch the sky
Whenever you remember, I'll be there
Remember how we reached that dream together
Whenever you remember
Whenever you remember
Oh, whenever you remember
Carrie Underwood - Whenever You Remember
Hello you long shots
You dark horse runners
Hairbrush singers, dashboard drummers
Hello you wild magnolias
Just waiting to bloom
There's a little bit of all that inside of me and you
Thank God even crazy dreams come true
I stood at the bottom of some walls I thought I couldn't climb
I felt like Cinderella at the ball just running out of time
So I know how it feels to be afraid
Think that it's all gonna slip away
Hold on, hold on
Here's to you free souls, you firefly chasers
Tree climbers, porch swingers, air guitar players
Here's to you fearless dancers, shaking walls in your bedrooms
There's a lot of wonder left inside of me and you
Thank God even crazy dreams come true
Never let a bad day be enough
To go and talk you in to giving up
Sometimes everybody feels like you
Oh, feels like you, just like you
Yeah
I've met some go-getters
Some difference makers
Small town heroes, and big chance takers
I've met some young hearts with something to prove
Oh, yeah
Here's to you long shots
You dark horse runners
Hairbrush singers, and dashboard drummers
Here's to you wild magnolias
Just waiting to bloom
There's a little bit of all that inside of me and you
Thank God even crazy dreams come true
Thank God even crazy dreams come true
Yeah
Carrie Underwood - Crazy Dreams
There's once in a lifetime
And there's once in a while
And the difference between the two is about a million miles
Oh, you might get lucky while the moon is looking up
But in the truth of the morning, the stars will be long gone
You can hold any girl that you like
Fall in love when it's easy at night
But, you'll wake up wondering why she ain't ever something better
When you're lost and run out of road
Find what I already know
In the end closer's all there is
But you won't find this
Carrie Underwood - You Won't Find This
The world's so big, it can break your heart
And you just want to help, not sure where to start
So you close your eyes
And send up a prayer into the dark
"You're just a fool, just a fool to believe you can change the world"
Don't listen to them when they say
"You're just a fool, just a fool to believe you can change the world"
Oh, the smallest thing can make all the difference
Love is alive, don't listen to them when they say
"You're just a fool, just a fool to believe you can change the world"
Carrie Underwood - Change
How did it come to this?
I think about you all the time
It's no excuse, but i wish
That I never made you cry
I'm not sorry that it's over
But for the way we let it end
I couldn't find the world to say
And you should know, please believe me
I've picked up the phone a thousand times
And tried to dial your number
But it's been so long, it's never easy
It's like trying to spin the world the other way
What can I say?
Carrie Underwood - What Can I Say
What you're gonna do when the show is over
What you're gonna sing when the the song ends
How you're gonna cope when there is no closure
Where you're gonna reach when the goal gets higher
How you're gonna make it through
When you think you lost your chance
Play on when you're losing the game
Play on 'cause you're gonna make mistakes
It's always worth the sacrifice
Even when you think you're wrong
So play on
Even when the floodgates swing wide open
Never let the current take you down, no
Even when you're not sure where you're going
Swimming through a mess and you can't get out
Just going through the motions
Trying not to drown
Play on when you're losing the game
Play on 'cause you're gonna make mistakes
It's always worth the sacrifice
Even when you think you're wrong
So play on
Even through a storm on the darkest night
Don't you ever give up the fight
Even when you feel you're all alone
Play on, play on
Play on when you're losing the game
Play on 'cause you're gonna make mistakes
It's always worth the sacrifice
Even when you think you're wrong
So play on
Carrie Underwood - Play On
Oh I don't wanna' keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted
Oh, I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted
Carrie Underwood - Wasted
